Our children grew up in South Carolina, Panama, Alabama, California, Germany, The Netherlands, and Virginia. For our son you could add Nebraska because that was where he was born and spent the first year of his life. How do you do that and provide a nurturing environment in all those places and with all those moves? Change and adaptation were constant challenges to be accepted.
There is no formula for such a task; however, it starts with
parents who believe that our children are the most important product of our
lives. Especially for Dawn, my wife,
that commitment had to be complete. There
were no nearby relatives to help. We
didn’t choose to have our children and then plan to turn them over to a daycare
center to meet their needs on a routine basis.
Additionally, Dawn was important to my career. How distracted would I have been when I came
home from the clinic, if our home life wasn’t in order?
Our children were a gift, not a burden. Raising them presented a challenge and
responsibility, but we welcomed them to share and multiply the joy in our lives. Initially, their needs are predominately
physical: diapers and feedings, but I discovered even then that the best way to
calm a crying baby is to calm yourself. They
sense your emotional status.
Meghan was born in South Carolina and was only six months
old when we left for Panama. Colin took
his first steps on the beach near Charleston.
Living in Panama, we had a maid who came to our home three days per
week, but she was there to help with the housework, not baby-sitting. We did think it important that our children
realized we had our own lives; parents are not personal slaves. The Army gave us a concrete box to live in;
Dawn made it into a home.
At bedtime, in the evening, Dawn or I would read them a
story every night. Although we only had
a limited selection of books, I would improvise, changing the story, so that
one night’s hero might be the villain in the next night’s telling of a
tale. It was entertaining, but more
importantly, they learned to love books and reading. Read enough and you will educate
yourself. In the Atlantic coast jungle
of Panama, we were provided only one television station. For the children, it was Plaza Sesamo in the morning. Colin became interested in the TV news,
mainly international, but we limited his exposure.
There was a playground in our backyard with nearby
playmates. Dawn and I taught our
children to swim in the nearby pool. At
first, they were swimming back and forth between parents, then later diving for
pennies on the pool bottom. We took them
for boat rides; Colin caught his first fish, and later we got them goggles to
look at the fish underwater in the ocean.
Colin remarked that he preferred the deep end of our pool because “there
was more water to hold him up” and we did not advise him otherwise. No fear.
Arriving in Huntsville, Alabama, now they were the new kids
with no friends. We put them both on a
summer swim team. On warm summer
evenings, the entire community embraced swimming. The coach was great, spending time with the
young kids as well as his older team members.
As a result, the team had great chemistry; everyone cheering for all age
classes, and the team won the state championship! Colin was now old enough for soccer; loved it
and excelled on a team. Colin and Meghan
had friends! We continued with our
evening stories and monitored what they were learning in school. Huntsville is a location for the US Space
Program; many of our neighbors were physicists and engineers; the schools and
sports programs were excellent.
The Army had wanted to put us in a 1000 square foot ‘Crackerbox’ home on base, but I protested it, pointing out that it was the home environment we provided, not my paycheck balance in the bank, that determined the quality of life for our children. The Army relented when I suggested it would mean my leaving the military. Dawn had an evening medical transcription job and left as soon as I got home. No daycare.
Time to move to Monterey, California, for a residency
program. Driving across the US in our
two-car convoy (with CB radios) pulling a boat trailer, we tried to make it a
vacation. Settling on a home to buy, the
sellers agreed to possession two weeks after closing. They didn’t realize how quickly we could
close. We wanted our children in a real
home before school started. Now our
children were the new kids at school once again. Dawn found a horse-riding opportunity for
Meghan. Colin got started in
karate. Both were entered on a swim team
and soccer teams.
Friday nights, our family visited the local bookstore where
both children were encouraged to pick out books of interest. Meghan, 6 yr. old when we arrived, went for
princesses, horses, and fairytale books.
Colin, age 8, looked bored; I encouraged him to check out the adult
history section. Bam! That was the
answer. He brought home multiple books
that evening and has been a voracious reader ever since.
The schools weren’t that great. I discovered that Colin’s teacher was telling
her class to work mathematical expressions from left to right; no mention of
the rule for ‘order of operations’. I
had a meeting with her; her take was that most of the children in the class
were not smart enough to understand the correct method of computation…. so, she
was intentionally teaching them the wrong method! What a low opinion of her students! When they received low scores on standardized
tests at year end, that would be her doing.
In Meghan’s class, students were encouraged to write
original stories; the best of which would be submitted to a district-wide
writing competition. Meghan had a vivid
imagination, with excellent reading and writing skills for her age. She had an idea for a ‘magic horse’ story,
and we encouraged her to pursue it. Each
night she would come home from school and spend time in her room developing her
story. She showed the hand-written paragraphs
to her teacher and received further encouragement.
The evening of the district-wide writing results came. Stories were displayed on tables for all to
see, and those with awards were given special attention. But where was Meghan’s ‘Magic Horse” story? It not only did not get an award; it was not
even displayed. Then we were told that
the judge for this age group decided to withdraw Meghan’s story because “no
child of her age could write such a polished composition” and she wanted to
save Meghan “from the embarrassment of having that pointed out in public.” The judge did not talk to Meghan’s teacher or
us. She did not examine the rough
hand-written draft that Meghan had worked so hard on. Instead of recognition, Meghan received a
figurative slap in the face from another teacher with low student expectations.
I was deeply involved in my dental residency program:
literature reviews, treatment planning presentations, research project,
lectures & tests, complex clinical cases; the outcome of this program would
have significant influence on my subsequent entire career. Dawn was the manager keeping our lives on
track. I left for Germany to find our
new home. Dawn stayed behind to sell our
home there and move the children and household goods.
Aschaffenburg, Germany, was my new assignment, but our home was in the small town of Elsenfeld, where I was placed in charge of a 54-unit leased US housing area. The children and I would be commuting. Our children’s behavior had to be perfect because their father was expected to set the standard for everyone in our neighborhood. Nearby Germans would come to me to complain if someone in our housing area did not follow local rules.
Our US
base was home for a mechanized infantry unit.
These are the people who do the actual fighting. They were part of the “spearhead” in Desert
Storm. Such people tend to be less focused
on education, more ‘rough and ready’, and live ‘closer to the edge’ in their
personal lives as well. Teachers at our
children’s school were constantly dealing with discipline problems. The base commander held a mandatory meeting
for all parents, attempting to correct the situation.
Dawn found a stable where Meghan could take lessons from a
strict German trainer, although it would require a commute. Colin and Meghan were both on soccer teams. Meghan’s team beat every other team in a
tournament but did not get the trophy. It
was discovered, too late, that the winner was determined by which team scored
the most total goals in all matches.
Another team had run up the score against weaker teams giving them the
higher total.
Colin had developed a special interest and knowledge of world
history and events from his reading and travel exposure. He was selected to attend a student model
United Nations meeting in Amsterdam and again later at Dublin, Ireland. These sessions involved students from many
countries besides the US. We drove (+ 2 ferry rides) him to the Dublin meeting and toured the island with Meghan while he was attending the conference.
We enjoyed taking German-organized ‘Volksmarches’ with our
family and other military friends. From
the beginning of our marriage, Dawn & I had formed a routine of taking a
long walk every evening, great for stress relief, exercise, and
togetherness. In Germany, we started
including our children on a regular basis; hiking in the Spessart woods near
our home. In the German tradition, our
children started calling these mandatory walks our “death marches”, forced on them by 'Dachau Dawn' and 'Insane Wayne". Such was their sense of humor.
Although our base school was not very good, Colin &
Meghan benefited educationally from seeing Europe through travel and history. The list is extensive: witnessing the Berlin
wall being toppled, admiring Michelangelo’s statue of David in Florence,
attending the Paris airshow, touring the Dachau concentration camp, ascending
the steps of the Acropolis of Athens, walking among the rough columns of Stonehenge,
shopping in a souk in Tunisia…. and many more.
Next, we moved to the Netherlands. New kids in school again, but this was an
international school, not just US military.
Our kids came home announcing that when the teacher spoke, the students listened
instead of being disruptive. More time
was spent on education instead of disciplinary matters. Our home was in the small town of Hulsberg;
my clinic and their school were at Schinnen.
Dawn searched and found a Dutch family with a pasture and a horse, who appreciated
having someone to care for and exercise their horse. Just the ticket for Meghan and close enough to bike there! She became friends with the family. Colin was invited and spent several summer
weeks at the Norwegian home of one of his classmates. He still keeps in touch with a few European friends.
Everything went smoothly until administrators discovered
that Meghan’s math teacher was using a non-approved text written by John Saxon,
an ex-Air Force officer now teaching basic college mathematics. That was replaced by a different text,
approved by the NEA cabal, and the teacher was fired. Meghan
started having difficulty with the presentation of concepts. We were told that she should switch to the
‘consumer’ math class. Dawn & I had
a meeting with her new teacher. Dawn
explained to the teacher that Meghan would continue in the college prep math
course; however, we would be homeschooling her with the Saxon textbook. If Meghan had time after doing her Saxon
homework, she would do the school-assigned problems. With that understanding, Meghan continued
through the entire year with satisfactory grades on her math tests.
The Saxon textbook series (we bought the entire series) teaches
mathematics by presenting problems of increasing complexity which include
previously covered concepts, then adding further concepts in a stepwise
manner. The NEA text presented concepts in
a disjointed, one-at-a-time manner. I
homeschooled Meghan in mathematics through high school and provided help for
Colin when needed, but he grasped concepts more quickly. Both did well on standardized tests.
When we started on our military career, we were advised that
children change schools and friends somewhat easily when they are younger, but
high school is a time of forming lifetime friendships. We were told, “Try not to move during your
children’s high school years.” I was
informed that our clinic would be closed due to a Europe-wide reduction in US
forces. As a family, we discussed the
options. We decided it was time to come
home to the United States.
Next stop, Chesterfield County, Virginia, (just south of
Richmond). After five years in Europe,
it was an adjustment for all of us, but more so for Colin. As an incoming junior in HS, he was a bit
lost and depressed, spending time in his room playing video games. Dawn found the cure for that. (1) sign him up
for a driver education course to get his driver’s license. (2) Get
him started on a part-time job at KFC. It
worked. He regained interest in outside
activities. By graduation, he was fully
involved in school and social functions.
Entering high school as an incoming freshman, Meghan fit
right in. Dawn searched for an activity
for Meghan: we bought an Arabian horse, a horse of her own! The horse was pastured nearby, and Meghan was
responsible for all care, feeding and cleaning.
That horse went to college with Meghan.
Throughout her college years, Meghan continued to care for that horse,
was able to ride it across open fields, and even had a part-time job cleaning
the stable. It gave her a point of focus
and a relief from the tedium of studies.
Both Colin and Meghan graduated from James Madison
University in four years. Unsurprisingly, Colin majored in international
affairs and economic policy, now has his master’s degree, and works as
assistant director for trade policy at a major think tank in Washington, DC. His wife, from Spain, has her doctorate in
physical therapy. Meghan, our outdoors
girl, gave up her horse after graduating (marketing degree) to work and travel
for various outdoor-focused companies in LA and Seattle as well as Colorado. She now lives near Aspen, Colorado, where she
and her husband continue to enjoy all things outdoors.
Both offspring enjoy travel and have been to countries that Dawn & I have yet to visit. Meghan has been to Chile, New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, and Japan as well as Europe. Her trips usually include skiing, surfing, or scuba diving. Colin has a similar list but also spends four weeks in Spain each year with his wife & children.
Raising children in the military isn't much different than in the civilian world except that a secure home atmosphere has to be re-established over and over. The critical element is two parents who care and make their children the highest priority.
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